The Twist-Mouth Family
retold byS. E. Schlosser
A while back there was a family I know of - a mother, a father, and several children. Four of them had mouths that were twisted into strange shapes. The mother's mouth twisted up while the father's mouth twisted down. The sister's mouth twisted left while the younger brother's mouth twisted right. The eldest son John's mouth was perfectly normal.
When John grew up, his parents sent him to college. He was the first person in his family to get a college education, and everyone was eager to hear what he had to say when he came home from his first vacation. Everyone sat up late talking. When it came time to go to bed, the Mother said:
"Papa, I cannot find the candle snuffer. Will you blow out the candle in the sitting room?"
"Yes I will," said the Father. He blew as hard as he could. But his mouth was twisted down so that when he blew, the air tickled his chin.
"Well now, Mama, I think you should blow out the candle," said he.
"Yes I will," said she. She blew as hard as she could. But her mouth was twisted up so that when she blew, the air made her hair stand on end.
"You know, Mary," she said to her daughter, " I think perhaps you should blow out the candle."
"Yes I will," said Mary. She blew as hard as she could. But her mouth twisted to the left, so that when she blew all the air rushed over her cheek.
"Dick, I think tonight you should blow out the candle," said Mary to her younger brother.
"Yes I will," said Dick. He took a deep breath and blew as hard as he could. But his mouth was twisted to the right, so that when he blew all the air went into his right ear.
Then Dick said, "John, maybe you should blow out the candle."
"Yes I will," said John. He blew as hard as he could. And since his mouth was straight, the candle went right out.
They all cheered. Patting John on the shoulder, the father said to his two younger children: "Well now, I hope you both learned how important it is to get a college education."
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Why Dogs Chase Cats
Why Dogs Chase Cats
retold byS. E. Schlosser
Once long ago, Dog was married to Cat. They were happy together, but every night when Dog came home from work, Cat said she was too sick to make him dinner. Dog was patient with this talk for a while, but he soon got mighty tired of fixing dinner for them both after a hard day's work. After all, Cat just stayed home all day long.
One day, Dog told Cat he was going to work, but instead he hid in the cupboard and watched Cat to see if she really was sick. As soon as Cat thought Dog had left, she started playing games with Kitten. They laughed and ran about. Cat wasn't the least bit sick.
Dog jumped out of the cupboard. When Cat saw him, she stuck a marble in her cheek and told Dog she had a toothache. Dog got so mad at her he started chasing her around and around the house.
Dogs have been chasing Cats ever since.
retold byS. E. Schlosser
Once long ago, Dog was married to Cat. They were happy together, but every night when Dog came home from work, Cat said she was too sick to make him dinner. Dog was patient with this talk for a while, but he soon got mighty tired of fixing dinner for them both after a hard day's work. After all, Cat just stayed home all day long.
One day, Dog told Cat he was going to work, but instead he hid in the cupboard and watched Cat to see if she really was sick. As soon as Cat thought Dog had left, she started playing games with Kitten. They laughed and ran about. Cat wasn't the least bit sick.
Dog jumped out of the cupboard. When Cat saw him, she stuck a marble in her cheek and told Dog she had a toothache. Dog got so mad at her he started chasing her around and around the house.
Dogs have been chasing Cats ever since.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
THE ANIMAL RACE
THE ANIMAL RACE
by Gordon Dioxide
There once lived a dog and there once lived a cat in the same town in the same street in the same year. The town was London, the street was Regent Street and the year was 1984. The dog was called Fido and the cat was called Bradley. They had an odd relationship. How can I put this? Well, they weren't exactly best of friends. In fact, they hated each other. Every day they would have an argument. Then they would fight. Then they would ignore each other. Then another argument would start up and it would keep going round in circles - argue, fight, ignore, argue, fight, ignore. Most of the arguments were about who was best. Fido thought he was best and Bradley thought he was best. One day, they decided to settle the argument once and for all and find out who really was the best. So they decided to have a race. A race from one end of London to the other. From West London to East London. They would start at Paddington Station in the West and finish at Tower Bridge in the East. The winner would be crowned "Animal King of Regent Street" and the loser would have to be his slave for ever. The day of the race was Saturday July 7th, and they were both ready to go at 9 o'clock. When the big station clock struck 9 they were off, with both trying desperately to beat the other to Tower Bridge. But within five seconds, disaster struck. Fido wasn't looking where he was going and ran straight into a brick wall. Bradley wasn't having much luck either, as he was heading North instead of East. Fido soon recovered, and, after a quick hospital detour to get a nose bandage, he was now galloping through Hyde Park. He hired a boat to take him across the lake, but the boat sank and he had to swim to safety. The Queen saw him and felt sorry for him with his soaking wet coat and sore nose. She took him in to Buckingham Palace to get him dry and give him something to eat. He got so cosy in the Palace that he forgot all about the race. Meanwhile, Bradley had just arrived in Scotland. He'd gone 300 miles in the wrong direction. He stopped at a cafe to get a burger, but all they had was haggis. He asked the cafe owner, Jock MacDundee, if he was close to Tower Bridge, but couldn't understand the reply. So he carried on heading North, still hungry and with no idea where he was. The next morning, a Buckingham Palace servant was serving Fido with a huge luxurious breakfast of sausages, bacon, eggs and custard, when he suddenly remembered about the race. So he grabbed a slice of toast and ran out of the Palace. He sprinted down Pall Mall and then sprinted back again because he'd forgotten to thank the Queen for looking after him. When he got back to the Palace, he again forgot to thank the Queen. After racing up and down Pall Mall three more times he eventually remembered to thank her, and she said that he was welcome to stay at the Palace at any time. Meanwhile, Bradley was no longer in Scotland. He'd gone past Scotland and was now at the North Pole. He was running so fast that he didn't feel the cold. And he was running so fast that a polar bear that was chasing him couldn't catch up. But then he stopped for a rest and the polar bear could catch up. Bradley saw the polar bear just in time and started running again. But now he was running even faster. He was running faster than a speeding car, faster than a train, faster than a rocket and nearly as fast a polar bear. But not quite. The polar bear caught up and grabbed the poor little cat. Bradley squealed and wriggled and squirmed in the polar bear's enormous paws. The polar bear was hungry. The polar bear was hungry for a big plate of cat. Then Bradley had a good idea. An idea that was to save his life. Instead of letting the polar bear eat him, he decided to eat the polar bear. And he did. And he enjoyed every mouthful. It was the biggest meal he'd ever eaten, but it gave him the energy to carry on with the race. He headed on through Canada, America, Mexico, Colombia, Brazil, Argentina, the South Pole, Africa, Spain, France and back to England. He'd gone all the way round the world and ended up back at Paddington Station, where he'd started the race. Meanwhile, Fido was nearly at the finish line at Tower Bridge. He jumped on a red bus to take him the last half mile. He was excited. He knew he was going to win and he had a big smile on his face. But then the bus turned left, instead of right towards the bridge. Then it turned left again, then right, then left, then straight on for a bit, then four more lefts and three more rights. When it eventually stopped, he jumped off to find himself back at Paddington Station. And there was Bradley, covered in icicles and eating a burger. The two of them immediately started to argue about who had won the race. But of course neither of them had really won it, because they were both still at the starting line. The argument turned into a fight and then they started ignoring each other. Can you guess what happened next? Yes, another argument started, and then a fight and so on and so on for ever more.
by Gordon Dioxide
There once lived a dog and there once lived a cat in the same town in the same street in the same year. The town was London, the street was Regent Street and the year was 1984. The dog was called Fido and the cat was called Bradley. They had an odd relationship. How can I put this? Well, they weren't exactly best of friends. In fact, they hated each other. Every day they would have an argument. Then they would fight. Then they would ignore each other. Then another argument would start up and it would keep going round in circles - argue, fight, ignore, argue, fight, ignore. Most of the arguments were about who was best. Fido thought he was best and Bradley thought he was best. One day, they decided to settle the argument once and for all and find out who really was the best. So they decided to have a race. A race from one end of London to the other. From West London to East London. They would start at Paddington Station in the West and finish at Tower Bridge in the East. The winner would be crowned "Animal King of Regent Street" and the loser would have to be his slave for ever. The day of the race was Saturday July 7th, and they were both ready to go at 9 o'clock. When the big station clock struck 9 they were off, with both trying desperately to beat the other to Tower Bridge. But within five seconds, disaster struck. Fido wasn't looking where he was going and ran straight into a brick wall. Bradley wasn't having much luck either, as he was heading North instead of East. Fido soon recovered, and, after a quick hospital detour to get a nose bandage, he was now galloping through Hyde Park. He hired a boat to take him across the lake, but the boat sank and he had to swim to safety. The Queen saw him and felt sorry for him with his soaking wet coat and sore nose. She took him in to Buckingham Palace to get him dry and give him something to eat. He got so cosy in the Palace that he forgot all about the race. Meanwhile, Bradley had just arrived in Scotland. He'd gone 300 miles in the wrong direction. He stopped at a cafe to get a burger, but all they had was haggis. He asked the cafe owner, Jock MacDundee, if he was close to Tower Bridge, but couldn't understand the reply. So he carried on heading North, still hungry and with no idea where he was. The next morning, a Buckingham Palace servant was serving Fido with a huge luxurious breakfast of sausages, bacon, eggs and custard, when he suddenly remembered about the race. So he grabbed a slice of toast and ran out of the Palace. He sprinted down Pall Mall and then sprinted back again because he'd forgotten to thank the Queen for looking after him. When he got back to the Palace, he again forgot to thank the Queen. After racing up and down Pall Mall three more times he eventually remembered to thank her, and she said that he was welcome to stay at the Palace at any time. Meanwhile, Bradley was no longer in Scotland. He'd gone past Scotland and was now at the North Pole. He was running so fast that he didn't feel the cold. And he was running so fast that a polar bear that was chasing him couldn't catch up. But then he stopped for a rest and the polar bear could catch up. Bradley saw the polar bear just in time and started running again. But now he was running even faster. He was running faster than a speeding car, faster than a train, faster than a rocket and nearly as fast a polar bear. But not quite. The polar bear caught up and grabbed the poor little cat. Bradley squealed and wriggled and squirmed in the polar bear's enormous paws. The polar bear was hungry. The polar bear was hungry for a big plate of cat. Then Bradley had a good idea. An idea that was to save his life. Instead of letting the polar bear eat him, he decided to eat the polar bear. And he did. And he enjoyed every mouthful. It was the biggest meal he'd ever eaten, but it gave him the energy to carry on with the race. He headed on through Canada, America, Mexico, Colombia, Brazil, Argentina, the South Pole, Africa, Spain, France and back to England. He'd gone all the way round the world and ended up back at Paddington Station, where he'd started the race. Meanwhile, Fido was nearly at the finish line at Tower Bridge. He jumped on a red bus to take him the last half mile. He was excited. He knew he was going to win and he had a big smile on his face. But then the bus turned left, instead of right towards the bridge. Then it turned left again, then right, then left, then straight on for a bit, then four more lefts and three more rights. When it eventually stopped, he jumped off to find himself back at Paddington Station. And there was Bradley, covered in icicles and eating a burger. The two of them immediately started to argue about who had won the race. But of course neither of them had really won it, because they were both still at the starting line. The argument turned into a fight and then they started ignoring each other. Can you guess what happened next? Yes, another argument started, and then a fight and so on and so on for ever more.
The Little Frog and the Big Buffalo
The Little Frog and the Big Buffalo
One day a Little Frog happens to see a buffalo on its way to the pond and is stopped by it. The little frog got surprised.
What are you doing by jumping like this? Yelled the big buffalo at the little frog
This is how I walk responded the frog with a surprise
You have got four legs like any other animal and why can’t you just walk? Buffalo again yelled with the same anger.
Now the little frog understood the confusion the big buffalo had and it turned upside down and asked:
Look my dear big buffalo how my legs are made. I do have four legs but the hind ones are differently made hence I can’t walk and I can only jump to cover distances.
Oh I am sorry – pleaded the big buffalo
I am really sorry for showing my anger at you without knowing the reason. I shall be your friend from now on wards and I shall carry you now to wherever you want to go. Please let me know where do you want to go – requested the buffalo
The little frog felt very happy with the sudden change in the behavior of the big buffalo.
I need to got to the pond near that banyan tree but I do not know how to climb on to your back – said the little frog
Do not worry I shall sit down so that with one leap you can jump on to my back – suggested the big buffalo
The frog did as suggested but the smooth skin of the buffalo made its efforts futile. Both the big buffalo and the little frog were disappointed but continued their efforts. At one point the frog could jump on to the back of the buffalo but as the big buffalo started standing up it had slipped down. As their struggle continued they saw Dr.Dove coming towards them.
What’s the matter why are you here asked Dr.Dove by alighting on the branch of a neem tree near them.
I made a promise to carry this small frog on my back to the pond near that banyan tree but it has become difficult for this small frog to reach my back.
You want to carry the frog on your back. Isn’t it? Asked Dr.Dove.
Yes told the buffalo
Then I have suggestion to you. You both come along with me lead Dr.Dove towards the pond. All three reached the pond.
Dear small frog you first jump into the water – said Dr.Dove
The small frog jumped into the water and looked up by turning back towards the buffalo and Dr.Dove.
Now dear Buffalo you walk into the water and sit down in such a way that your back is just touching the surface of the water level in the pond – said Dr.Dove.
The big buffalo did as suggested.
The little frog understood what is to be done. Immediately it jumped onto the back of the buffalo with ease and settled down there.
Soon the buffalo too understood and came slowly out of the water with the little frog on its back. The little frog and the big buffalo were happy and thanked Dr.Dove.
Now tell me where shall I take you - asked the big buffalo
Not to the pond again but back to my home in the woods in the north pointed the little frog.
Seeing their happiness Dr.Dove flew away.
One day a Little Frog happens to see a buffalo on its way to the pond and is stopped by it. The little frog got surprised.
What are you doing by jumping like this? Yelled the big buffalo at the little frog
This is how I walk responded the frog with a surprise
You have got four legs like any other animal and why can’t you just walk? Buffalo again yelled with the same anger.
Now the little frog understood the confusion the big buffalo had and it turned upside down and asked:
Look my dear big buffalo how my legs are made. I do have four legs but the hind ones are differently made hence I can’t walk and I can only jump to cover distances.
Oh I am sorry – pleaded the big buffalo
I am really sorry for showing my anger at you without knowing the reason. I shall be your friend from now on wards and I shall carry you now to wherever you want to go. Please let me know where do you want to go – requested the buffalo
The little frog felt very happy with the sudden change in the behavior of the big buffalo.
I need to got to the pond near that banyan tree but I do not know how to climb on to your back – said the little frog
Do not worry I shall sit down so that with one leap you can jump on to my back – suggested the big buffalo
The frog did as suggested but the smooth skin of the buffalo made its efforts futile. Both the big buffalo and the little frog were disappointed but continued their efforts. At one point the frog could jump on to the back of the buffalo but as the big buffalo started standing up it had slipped down. As their struggle continued they saw Dr.Dove coming towards them.
What’s the matter why are you here asked Dr.Dove by alighting on the branch of a neem tree near them.
I made a promise to carry this small frog on my back to the pond near that banyan tree but it has become difficult for this small frog to reach my back.
You want to carry the frog on your back. Isn’t it? Asked Dr.Dove.
Yes told the buffalo
Then I have suggestion to you. You both come along with me lead Dr.Dove towards the pond. All three reached the pond.
Dear small frog you first jump into the water – said Dr.Dove
The small frog jumped into the water and looked up by turning back towards the buffalo and Dr.Dove.
Now dear Buffalo you walk into the water and sit down in such a way that your back is just touching the surface of the water level in the pond – said Dr.Dove.
The big buffalo did as suggested.
The little frog understood what is to be done. Immediately it jumped onto the back of the buffalo with ease and settled down there.
Soon the buffalo too understood and came slowly out of the water with the little frog on its back. The little frog and the big buffalo were happy and thanked Dr.Dove.
Now tell me where shall I take you - asked the big buffalo
Not to the pond again but back to my home in the woods in the north pointed the little frog.
Seeing their happiness Dr.Dove flew away.
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